listening to: pink floyd.

i am falling apart.

and i am starting to think that i am addicted to this feeling. this hollow pain between my eyes, and your cursed words that send me reeling.

gahh! i wish i could control myself somuch more. i wish i could sleep when i want to, and stop thinking about you when i need to.

i really need to.

we keep the beer bong with the tupperware for convenience purposes.

grrreat.

i finally lay the foundations for a good, long lasting friendship,

and the mo' fo' goes to jail.

BOO!

i went to Virginia to visit the Glad-Gonzalez clan, it was amazing, as usual. 

it always goes the same, 

i start off not wanting to tear my roots up and travel to see them. 

i get there and end up bathing in love and having a great time and 

fitting

right

in.

i get emotional that i missed out on this and/or that

i start to resent certain people,

and then i get over it.

and then i am sad and i bid my goodbyes and i get back to my residence

and miss them.

listening to:

blues traveler.

shhhhh

darling,

you could ruin this.

it is february eighth.

and i am... uninspired.

listening to:

cold war kids.

ronnie day.

how am i?

alright i suppose.... i desperately need new tires or soon i will absolutely perish.

lately ive been feeling all a blur.. unsure of whether or not i am excited for the future or just trying to put each day behind me.

(do you believe in what you see?)

i went to mormon church for the first time this past sunday con mis amigos. it was interesting... everyone spoke of their faith as knowledge 

(to represent how secure it is), 

and that got me every time.

"I know that the book of mormon is truth." 

"I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet." 

they know! how can anyone really know of anything? for fuck's sake, i could go on about how i am not entirely sure that i am sitting on the chair i see and feel beneath me

r i g h t  n o w .

it also made me miss Unity all the more, and so i plan to venture to SLC and attend the Unity Church there next Sunday morning... my first attendance to a Unity Church outside of Hawaii!

verry curious..

hah!

xoxo.

i 

l

o

v

e

 

n

e

n

e

<3

i am real.

listening to:

sister hazel.

illumination

ha! i am feverish wish absolute (the absolute of myself, that is, my very core and being).

what it is... i do not know. and why it is now is not for certain.. but it feels amazing and i cannot get enough.

[the silence and elegance of the snow  tugs me back outside] 

i cannot believe i ever held you so close [it hurts to breathe.]

it sickens me

the way you slave,

and build,

and keep up

such a brilliant facade around you.

it works, i must say.

it definitely hides (for some amount of time..)

the whiney, petulant child that

you are.

i hope she is something else, my love.

i hope you can fool her forever.

1, 2 , 3..

it makes me laugh when you squirm around like that.

with my grin spread, and my arms out, and my blood-stained Sunday's best.