i am real.

listening to:

sister hazel.

illumination

ha! i am feverish wish absolute (the absolute of myself, that is, my very core and being).

what it is... i do not know. and why it is now is not for certain.. but it feels amazing and i cannot get enough.

[the silence and elegance of the snow  tugs me back outside] 

i cannot believe i ever held you so close [it hurts to breathe.]

it sickens me

the way you slave,

and build,

and keep up

such a brilliant facade around you.

it works, i must say.

it definitely hides (for some amount of time..)

the whiney, petulant child that

you are.

i hope she is something else, my love.

i hope you can fool her forever.

1, 2 , 3..

it makes me laugh when you squirm around like that.

with my grin spread, and my arms out, and my blood-stained Sunday's best.

did i know you

we as human kind have traded in our freedom for the illusion of security.

why do we need this "security" so much? because it shelters our fears. and how do we overcome fear? faith... faith is often motivated by fear. love... love often heightens fear. curiosity. curiosity transforms fear into knowledge.

but what makes knowledge so great? history shows us that knowledge can change, which refutes the very definition of knowledge. knowledge: the sum, a body, an acquaintance, a familiarity, and the state of facts, or truths. (as defined by dictionary.com)

what, i ask you, is honestly fact? truth? 

quit molesting me with self-full filling prophecies.

listening to: say anything

new years resolutions:

1) significantly reduce television watching.

2) take everything in strides.

3) quit smoking ciggi's

4) school is first and foremost. straight A's, biotch!

so far doing well with all of my resolutions. =D sweet.

i am cold, to cold to call you. far to stoned to leave my bed.

Back to Utah.

Went home for two weeks.

It was amazing.

I got new ink. In mama's handwriting it says: Be happy, for this moment is your life.

.   

Also re-

touched the infinity.

All together, it was an unforgettable two weeks. my fist home-coming since I left, really. Hawaii will always hold a piece of me.

David and I broke up, and he is moving to San Francisco in a day or two.

it's been hard, but I think that this is for the best.